YOU ARE MY COMPLETELY OBSESSION

why am i so obsessed with you..

i'm also obsessed with you too..

x tahu la ayat tu refer kat aku or x,

klau terperasan maaf la.

haha..

for real, i can feel you.

i'm also falling for you,

my life would be dull without you.

im get jealous to see you with her.

but the only thing i can do is, 

keep praying for our jodoh.

i know i can never ask for more,

i do feel guilty to fall for you.

i miss your voice,

i miss your smile on me,

i miss all the memories so much.

i miss all the conversation between us.

-one fine day-

JODOH PASTI BERTEMU

Andai engkau tahu betapa ku mencinta

Selalu menjadikanmu isi dalam doaku

Ku tahu tak mudah menjadi yang kau pinta

Ku pasrahkan hatiku, takdir kan menjawabnya

Jika aku bukan jalanmu

Ku berhenti mengharapkanmu

Jika aku memang tercipta untukmu

Ku kan memilikimu, jodoh pasti bertemu

Andai engkau tahu betapa ku mencinta

Ku pasrahkan hatiku, takdir kan menjawabnya

Jika aku bukan jalanmu

Ku berhenti mengharapkanmu

Jika aku memang tercipta untukmu

Ku kan memilikimu, jodoh pasti bertemu

ini sahaja yang aku pegang, jika takdir kita ada, dan Allah izinkan, jodoh kita pasti akan bertemu kembali.

5 years and still counting..

having a great friends.

thanks for the story sharing, ear lenders, and advice.

appreciate it much.

all i can say,

i love you and miss you all cha, capit and jan.

cute name huh?

hehe..

but all of you give me a new strength from far

spread the love in the air

and give me a piece of smile on my way.

5 years and still counting,

bonds like a family,

sulk like a lover

and fights like a siblings.

nothing much i can say but,

much appreciate what have all of you done.

jauh di mata tapi dekat di hati.

ikhlas lah buat sesuatu,

walaupun mereka fikir kita buat sesuatu kerana ada agenda tersendiri.

aku x nak diingati bila dekat,

tapi waktu jauh aku dilupakan.

tapi aku mahu menjadi seseorang yg diingati bila aku sudah jauh nanti

apa yang aku buat adalah tanpa paksaan,

when they pretending be with you,

but actually they not,

just be praised,

even they pretending,

but at least they try to pretend,

hidup ni x lama,

dan x payah mencari musuh,

hanya akan menambahkan dosa.

dosa yg tersedia pn x mampu untuk terhapus.

biar aku menjadi org yg lelah menuruti kemahuan org,

dan bukan menjadi org yg lelah mnyuruh org mngikuti kemahuan ku,

biar sakit diri ini,

tapi tidak org lain.

cukup hanya dengan sahabat yg tulus bersamaku x kira apa situasi aku,

biar mereka memarahi ku kerana benar,

itu lebih baik dari membiar aku terus lelah dalam salah.

mungkin hanya di sini tempat aku mampu meluah segalanya

biar tiada siapa yg membaca,

itu lebih baik dr ramai yg membaca tp terluka

KUAT LAH WAHAI TEMANKU..

Allah menurunkan ujian kepada hambanya kerana ingin hambanya terus dekat kepadanya,

sungguh aku menyesal kerana telah melakukan kesalahan itu,

dan aku x pernah menyesal kerana terpaksa melepaskan dirinya.

segala kemahuan org kecewa aku turuti,

meski dia fikir bahawa aku akan kecewa dengannya,

percaya lah, aku redha dengan semua ini.

aku telah menduga semua ini bakal berlaku,

dan tanpa aku sedari, aku telah bersedia menghadapi semua ini.

tanpa aku sedari, Allah telah beri aku kekuatan untuk kehilangan dirinya.

meski pun, bukan kerelaan kami.

mungkin kami sedih sbb kami tidak mampu untuk menjadi sahabat seperti dulu.

tapi, bagi aku, sahabat, teman, kawan, tidak semestinya harus saling menghubungi,

ingatan yg tulus dan ikatan perasaan saling memberi kekuatan ketika sukar sudah cukup.

percayalah, yang aku akan sentiasa memberi kekuatan kepada kamu.

percayalah aku akan sentiasa mengerti kamu,

walaupun hanya sekilas pandangan.

aku akan mengerti setiap apa yang kamu harus lakukan.

mungkin ini adalah satu langkah untuk aku agar aku sentiasa fokus untuk apa yg aku harus lakukan.

kerana, aku sudah menyimpang jauh dr apa yg aku harus lakukan.

jujur lepas aku betul2 berjanji untuk tinggalkan segalanya, 

aku x berasa sedih.

tp. mungkin untuk masa ini,

tapi itu x menjadi sesuatu yg penting,

yg penting ketika ini, 

apa yg bakal berlaku nanti, aku akan tempuhi dgn satu pelajaran.

pelajaran hidup yg x pernah terlintas dalam ingatan.

mungkin ketika ini, kita x nampak apa hikmah yg tersembunyi,

tapi satu hari nanti baru kita faham apa yg telah Allah aturkan untuk kita.

jatuhnya kita tika ini adalah untuk menjadi kuat masa hadapan.

awak, saya harap awak pn kuat untuk hadapi hidup.

walaupun saya tahu awak x sekuat lelaki lain,

tapi percayalah, ada kekuatan yg tersimpan dlm diri awak.

cari kekuatan itu untuk diri awak.

sebab itu yg awak pilih.

saya mampu untuk brdiri lagi,

masih mampu tersenyum,

masih mampu untuk hadapi hidup.

our friendship will never ends,

it still remain in our heart.

but, just keep it deep in your heart.

you know i am strong.

i used to be alone,

i can survive even there is no one besides me.

walaupun awak x boleh baca apa yg saya tulis ni,

tp saya harap kekuatan saya ni, mampu beri kekuatan untuk awak,

yakin pada ketentuan Allah.

satu hari nanti kita akan dapat jawapannya.

itu keyakinan saya.

jika kita yakin pada Allah, kita kan kuat.

terpisahnya kita bukan kerana saling membenci,

tapi hikmahnya akan menyusul kemudian.

rahsia Allah kita x pernah boleh duga

hanya masa yg bakal tentukan segalanya.

redha lah kerana Allah,

kerana redha kerana Allah, maka Allah akan aturkan yg terbaik untuk kita.

OUR STORY ENDS HERE..

my story ends here..

a very short happiness,

yet we have to face the reality.

not to live in a dream land.

dear you, 

please be strong for me,

i let you go so that you will find your happiness,

i don't want you to be in hard situation.

bury all our memories behind.

i will be strong if i see you stronger enough,

yet still i can be smile trough my day,

i know its hard for us to face it,

hard for you,

but you should be glad because i have give you the right way,

i leave you with her,

because i know its hard for you to leave her.

i can still stand alone because i used to be like this.

i know i'm lying myself if i said i will not cry,

but i know how to find my strength.

caring too much also lead to false,

being too kind also not too good,

being rational and try to give happiness to others,

loving is not meant to be together,

praying the best for our loved ones is better.

we met in a wrong time,

we in love in a wrong situation,

maybe because we are not meant to be together.

us being together is a mistakes,

Allah have wrote the best for us.

we have to accept the fate.

thousand times i will say in my heart,

but it is for you,

please be strong.

i begged to you.

i can't see you in a gloomy mood.

you used to be a happy person

there must be reason for all this happen,

Allah have wrote the right person for me,

maybe the times will not comes yet.

if it is you, 

one fine day we will be together,

if not, i will accept the fate,

i will wait no more,

i just go with the flow.

this is the lesson for me.

yet our life is a drama,

i never thought this will happen to me,

and the worst part is,

i'm the antagonis play role,

i need to say it out, 

but there is no more place to say it out.

i believe, 

the sun will shine after the stormy days.

pray the best for my future,

a sweet life will come later.

keep smile facing the day.

=))

MY MR. COTTON CANDY =)

Yesterday night was awesome.

even only a short meeting between us, but you make me hard to sleep at night.

missing you smile and sweetness.

and you make me believe that you also own the same feeling like i did.

yes you have told it to me before, but yesterday, you make me believe it.

but sadly, 

we have to find a suitable time for our quality time,

cant even show my truly feelings whenever i want,

need to act like i'm not care for you at all.

but from the far, i'm watching you, care for you with full of my heart.

whenever i miss you, i scroll back our conversation,

smiling down for our memories,

for only us knew it.

for me, its far enough to feel you.

i cant even ask for more from you.

i will try to understand your position for what ever condition it is,

trying not to be too jealous for looking you with her,

with your intimation with her,

by reality, i cant do the same way like you did with her,

i will try to understand you.

it is hard for us to say what actually happen between us,

for others view, i'm maybe an evil girl who dare to tackle you even you are taken,

its hard for me to accept the fact that i'm being too cruel by crashing others heart,

especially my own friend.

if and only if we doesn't knew each other.

but, what ever it is, i'm trying to be patience for our relationship.

even we are not clear with our status yet,

but as long as we trust each other,

it will be our strength.

and that is the base of our relationship.

trust and patience.

hope the dreams would become a reality.

SALAM MAAL HIJRAH 1435H.

awal muharram kali ni, memberikan seribu satu makna dalam hidup ini.

Terima Kasih kepada seorang insan yg muncul dalam diri ini, memberikan kasih sayang walaupun hakikatnya aku akan berkongsi sayang bersama orang lain. 

perasaan yang hadir tanpa diundang. 

jujur jauh di lubuk hati, perasaan bersalah memang menggunung dalam diri atas tindakan yg aku ambil,

 iaitu membenarkan dia hadir memberikan kasih sayang dan rasa yg sama seperti apa yang aku rasakan.

seharusnya aku confess dkt dia semasa kehidupan aku sbg penuntut di kampus sg.petani ni berakhir,

namun, takdir penentu segala.

kerana dia berjaya membuatkan aku meluahkan apa yg aku rasa lebih awal dr apa yg aku sangkakan.

dan surprisingly, he also feel the same way like i did.

for me, its such a blessed.

tp, apakan daya, dia dh terikat dgn org lain.

walaupun x de ikatan tunang or suami lagi, bg aku, its not a good way.

so sad, nmpknya kitorg kena bercinta dlm diam.

mcm cinta terlarang pn ada.

and aku rasa mcm sgt jahat sbb ambik keputusan ni.

bagi aku pun, aku x nak terlalu tamak untuk rebut cinta dan perhatian dia.

even deep inside, its killing me eternally, 

tgk kebahagiaan dia bersama org tu..

tipu la aku x rasa apa2,

tp, ni la yg harus aku tanggung.

bagi kami, jika ada jodoh, in sha allah.

yg kami mampu buat hanya mampu berdoa.

keluar pn sembunyi2..

banyak betul dugaan aku untuk sampai ke tahap ni.

tp kadang2 aku rasa keliru dgn dia,

betul ke apa yg dia ckp.

on the other side bila dia bersama org tu, aku akan pendam hati aku yg teramat.

ini yg harus aku lalui.

untuk tempoh berapa lama, 

hanya tuhan yg tahu.

apa pun, terima kasih sbb jadikan saya istimewa dalam hati awak..

mungkin, dkt sini je yg saya boleh luah pasal awak

tanpa sape yg tahu.

THANK YOU MR. COTTON CANDY

TENGKU MUHAMMAD FARHAN BIN TENGKU MD YUSOFF

=) 

ONE YEAR AFTER..

ASSALAMUALAIKUM...

firstly, alhamdulillah. setelah sekian lama x update blog, hari ni baru tergerak nk update.

About my life? Alhamdulillah, I dh selesa dgn keadaan dan dgn kwn2 kat sini.

so far, I mcm biasa la. being my self here.

and yes, alhamdulillah they accept me as who I am.

and the best part is, I ada best friend kat sini.

dia adalah seorang lelaki. but, we tend to have a good chemistry each other.

unfortunately, he is taken. and he loves the girl so much.

Me? still alone.

but nevermind. since all the gorgeous ladies and gentleman behind me, I tend to be ok,

I would like to share about this guy. the one who always behind me, here in Merbok.

And of course the person yg ada chemistry dgn I tu.

He is a good guy, from Penang. Very talkative and cheerful person.

But yet, he also a sensitive guy. Dalam hati ada taman bu nga la katakan..

most of the time, I share story with him, my feelings.

Alhamdulillah, wherever I go, there must be a person who kindly lend their ear to hear my story.

but, i still always bare in my mind, he is taken.

I x nk la ruin up diorg pnye relationship sbb I pn member dgn girlfriend dia.

so, I juz sharing and also care about him for the important things only.

I akan cuba being professional.

having feeling towards him?

hurmm.. kind of la..

for of course, klau kita dh rapat dgn someone, yg take care dgn kita, mesti kita rasa sesuatu kan.

nak2 lagi klau lain gender.

but like i said before, i kena act professional.

I x nk hilang dia and girlfriend dia as a friend.

coz both of them baik sgt.

Insya Allah, as the time flies, everything gonna be ok.

sbb I pn anggap dia mcm adik dh.

and dia anggap I mcm mak2.

kuajaq kan?

haha..

tp I x kisah pn.

sbb ramai yg ckp I mcm mak2.

x pe lah,

tu pn doa kan?

mana tahu dpt jadi ibu mithali?

kan elok.

ye la, we always nasihat menasihati each other.

that's the friend should be kan?

friends also should act as parents since our parents not around dgn kita.

how about cerita lama?

cerita I dgn dia yg I gila bayang dulu?

Nayy..

yet we still contact each other, but I think he is not the best for me.

he never bring me to the right path.

and i cant take him too..

so, i choose not to chase him.

yes, we are still friend

but as a normal friend.

i masih lagi ingat kat dia,

masih lagi rindu dkt dia,

tp, it seems not make any benefit for me and him.

so, i need to let go of him.

and how about my old friends?

ah, biasalah, life is not complete if no misunderstanding right?

let them solve it.

lgpn I x taw nk ckp mcm mana lagi

and x bape tahu sgt the real situation.

hopefully yg gaduh2 tu, baik semula la ok?

yg lain, pn, hopefully ok je taw.

and I miss all the memories in Diploma.

Really, really miss that moment.

and also miss each person.

and now, I dh nk masuk Intern Insya Allah tahun dpn.

Doakan I pass this sem with flying colours ok?

and diam x diam dh nk abes degree dkt Kedah ni.

alhamdulillah..

praise to Allah, and many thanks to my parents.

I Love You, mom and dad.

ok, I think sampai sini je kot, coretan.

x tahu la bila lagi nk update,

so, see ya!

ASSALAMUALAIKUM

new year!

Happy new year!

Its almost 3rd jan.
And tomorrow is the first day of exam as a degree student.
I miss so much the moment I study with al my dip's student.

Actually my degree's friends also supportive.
Such as yka, yda, paan, syafiq, they also lovely.
But its hard to vanish up all the memories .
I wish I could adapt it.

I admit, I really miss all my friends,
The moment we are being together, and all of the things that we are doing together.

Bit, I should woke up from a dream.
What am I facing now is reality.

For merbokians friends, thank u so much.

For paan that always give spirit to all hos close friends. He reminds me to my friend.

Good luck for exam to me,
Good luck to all my kbrians friends,merbokians friends, shah alamans and to all of u.

May we do our best.

And last but not least,
Happy 22nd of me!.
Sob sob.
I'm getting older year to year.
Pray for my future.
#to get a good and lovely husband.

Daa!